i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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