I hate your face
My friends, they love my intelligence
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
