If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
