Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
