I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize