cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
