i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
