I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
