all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
