i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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