there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
