the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
