I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
