I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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