He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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