girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
