Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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