I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
