why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
