Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
