i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
