We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
