Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
