Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
