I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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