Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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