i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
