You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
