I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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