i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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