he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
