Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
