See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
