i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
