the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
