I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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