Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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