i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
