we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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