dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize