Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
