Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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