i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize