I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
