haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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