I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
