I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
