I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
