Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
