she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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