you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
