Your dad touched me again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
