There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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