I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
