God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
