i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
