Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They are going to name an STD after you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
