Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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