at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
