You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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