My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
