Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
