hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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