saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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