You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am one with the molecules
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
