Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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