There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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