those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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