i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
