So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
