I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize