Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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