He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
