If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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