so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
