So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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