i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
