I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize