best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
