I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
