Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
