I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
