Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
