No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize