I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
