My vagina just recognized that song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
