and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
