I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
