He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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