As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
