then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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