Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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