so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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