I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
