We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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