Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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