Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
