My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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