Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
