"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
