I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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