Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
