Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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