i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
