I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
