you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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