He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
