I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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